it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
