Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize