We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
