dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
