FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
