he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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