I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
