btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
