ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
