using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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