Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
