He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
