Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
