this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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