I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
