Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
