Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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