if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm both gender and math confused
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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