So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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