I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
