i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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