Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
