when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
