I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
