apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
