my soul wont recognize me after tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
