Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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