the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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