I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
