If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
