I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
