i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
