I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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