I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
