i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
