I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
