1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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