She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize