I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
