so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
