i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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