i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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