you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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