omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
