I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
