I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
birth control should be required to get into college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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