The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
