I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ketchup is God's man juice
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize