apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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