He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
