Me. At least after what I've been through.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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