Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
