I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize