i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
