No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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