I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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