You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
