he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
