You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
