I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
