To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
